so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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