He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
