well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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