Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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