home. puking in laundry basket.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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