I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
