"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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