I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
