no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You ruined the universe
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
