I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
