so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
