there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
