I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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