He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
