We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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