You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
