I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
