Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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