I haven't been this sober since birth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
