Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
