I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
