Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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