The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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