I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
