I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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