I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
