So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
