ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
