I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
