when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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