You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
