my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
