True but thats because hes a fetus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
