I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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