i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
