McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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