I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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