When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
