I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
