You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
