I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
