so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
