I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
