so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
