he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
