I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
