i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
