So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
