i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
