A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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