She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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